The subtitle of this post is: Money is a Pain In The Ass.
There have been several unavoidable expenses this month which has made numbers crunching a real headache. On top of stuff I had to get for my health, I finally did a whole lot of repairs I’d been postponing for months to the detriment of my emotional health. This includes the fact that at least THREE rooms plus the corridor in my apartment had their lights go out and the kitchen lights were blinking and buzzing like an episode of Stranger Things. Then the car aircon went out, as did my bedroom aircon after months of being a mini waterfall again. I also had a pipe explode in the master ensuite which means that I had no working flush for four months but was instead lugging pails of water every time nature gave me a call. Plumbing fees are not cheap, as we all know. Got that all fixed, and then it was time to pay various home-owner taxes. Thought that was all over, then I dropped my iPhone 7 on the road because trying to fumble with keys and a handbag when you have your hand/thumb in a splint is also a pain in the ass.
How is this relevant to writing? Painfully relevant. I’ve been crunching the numbers for the next few months tonight. The crack on my iphone screen is getting longer and wider. I can’t use punctuations or numbers on whatsapp anymore. Which means getting a new phone is an inevitability. This one has lasted me over five years — so I want to make sure I make a good investment. And my eyesight is getting worse and worse — which means it’s way past time for me to get new multifocals. I no longer have a research grant (it ended), so I will have to pay the ridiculously overpriced article processing fees for two articles this year out of my own funds. And who knows what other incurring costs? Oh, I also forgot: music exam fees, and music class payments. I’ve already put my Latin classes on hold till August. What this means is that I simply cannot afford the costs of self-publishing Watermyth on top of other expenses, some of which I am not mentioning because there are way too many household matters to worry about. Adulting, you know.
I’ll be honest. Part of me is relieved I’m not self-publishing Watermyth this year. I think the Cantata of the Fourfold Realms needs more time to develop and I don’t want to offer it up to the world half-assed. But because life is short and fragile, I wonder if I’ll ever have books to my name at this rate. But I don’t really want to shorten my short life even further by stressing about the numbers crunching further needed for this. Money for proofreaders/editors, a cover designer — all of the things that will bring no Return of Investment. And there’s no guarantee that my Sesen series will net an agent. But…well, I’m tired and this is right now the path of least resistance. So, I’m just going to finish a couple more passes of Watermyth, set it aside — and go back to finishing the novel I know agents might be more interested in. I have a handful of agents who kindly rejected Watermyth but who said they wanted to see more work from me. So, I’ll work on that.
Not quite a happy ending but you know — I feel ridiculously relieved having made this decision. Now I need to figure out how long my iPhone 7 can last before it finally gives up the ghost.